Yes, it’s been a while since I last posted. This was supposed to come out in January but sadly the DBA has a life and a few bills to pay. He’s been busy. So to kick off a new year what better way to do it than with a bit of a laugh and a good look at a scam email he received
Here Goes: I received this just before Christmas and sadly haven’t stopped laughing yet
LAST WARNING! email@example.com!
I give you the last 72 hours to make the payment before I send video with
your masturbation to all your friends.
The DBA Says: And? Are you telling me you don’t masturbate or have any sexual thoughts at all? That must mean you are either IBM’s Watson or a BBC producer
My program has turned on your camera and recorded the process of your
masturbation. My software has also downloaded all your email contact lists
and a list of your friends on Facebook
The DBA Says: Go Ahead. Publish and be damned. His Elephant Impersonation is known the world over, usually after a few too many drinks and can honestly say it doesn’t work with speedos
Strangely I never got a reply
The problem I’m highlighting here has nothing to do with the dangers of Spam or Phishing emails. Everyone involved in IT gets these every now and again and has learnt to either ignore them or respond to them as a joke.
The real problem is the puritanical and utterly inexplicable attitude of the UK government to implement “porn passes”. You can read about them here where even my old enemies at The Independent think they’re a joke
In case you’ve been living in Brexitland for the last few years new rules will come into effect later this summer. They make absolutely no sense and even the average fourteen year old could find a simple route around them.
As usual with most Government IT, too little, too late and bound to be run by a bunch of cockup merchants like Aviva or Crapita
In addition the idea that third party companies ( Such as Experian or TSB which we all implicitly trust of course) will be guardians of personal details fills the DBA with utter horror
Now to be fair the DBA is of an age where he would rather “do” than “watch”. Two children and two divorces tend to suggest that he is anything but a prude but even so he is investing in a VPN subscription as it’s only a matter of time before sexually explicit websites turn into anti-government websites, followed by anti-Tory or anti-Labour websites
The DBA suggests you do the same. We are teetering on a slippery slope, let’s not fall off it