With massive apologies to Ken White at popehat.com. I’m a massive fan of his and he has a very funny and entertaining way of dealing with spammers so have shamelessly stolen his idea, hopefully I’ve added a twist. Ken is a lawyer after all so please don’t sue me Ken

Luckily I’m not important enough to get much spam but when I do it’s good fun to follow it up. Here’s the latest – everybody gets one of these. I make no apologies for revealing the from address in the email as it’s clearly made up or stolen from a real individual:

Sent: Monday, April 09, 2018 at 6:10 AM
From: “Kiera Porter” <KieraPorter@protonmail.com>
Subject: Regarding your interest in our company

Dear, Mr DBA

We are looking for someone new to join our team.
We were impressed with your background and hope you will apply as soon as possible. We offer:

– Home Office
– A stable salary of at least £5700 per month.
– An attractive bonus system
– Working hours adapted to you

We have made a presentation that describes the job and the company in more detail.

You can find it below. There are only a few positions available! So we recommend that you apply as soon as possible.

Click here to find out more – (URL Deleted as total scam)


Kiera Porter – Human Resources


And Here’s my reply – too much?


Sent: Tuesday, April 10, 2018 at 6:10 AM
From: “The DBA”
To: “Kiera Porter” <KieraPorter@protonmail.com>
Subject: RE:Regarding your interest in our company

Thankyou Keira for your email

I am very interested in joining your team, however you fail to mention a number of important points

You quote a stable salary of £5700 per month working from home. Does this include working from a farm or goat preserve? And when you say stable does this mean horses? I’m afraid I’m only interested in goats

I have been called an infamous “goat-lover” and genuinely love their company. So much that I have forsaken many financial pursuits in favour of these cute wooliy little animals who are just so friendly and taste really delicious if cooked properly, not that I am advocating cruelty to goats of course

Did you know for example that goats are mountain creatures with incredible climbing abilities – they can even be seen in pictures available on Google inhabiting trees?

Did you know that goat cheese is extremely rich and laden with saturated fats and calcium. Something modern science is now beginning to accept as a normal, healthy part of our diet. This is especially true for the larger variety of goat which only have a single udder and large horns. For some reason their milk is only best when warm

Can you help me to build my dream of expanding my goat herd to include “goat trees” from which my wooly bleating friends can climb and gambol to their hearts content? I already have two mature trees but would appreciate your assistance in my efforts to turn my small suburban garden into a fully fledged goat sanctuary, milk shake parlor and barbecue restaurant?

I do not think I need to view your presentation but feel I am just the sort of person you are looking for and will stop at nothing to achieve both our goats

I await your reply with interest