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Real DBA’s do it in Parallel – backing up oracle standard edition in parallel

Oh FFS not again! Rocking up to the office for what I hoped to be a boring morning I find that yet again one of our database backups is still running from the night before. And I’m not…

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All your logins belong to me

“But it doesn’t work for me!” the user whines over the phone, all the while I’m mentally picturing what this person would look like being run over by a steamroller. I desperately try to clear my head of…

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Oracle for Hipsters – The DBA installs Oracle 18c

Ok, I’ll admit it. The DBA is a bit of a Dinosaur and genuinely thinks that anyone under the age of 103 isn’t old enough to tie their own shoelaces, never mind buy their own coffee or Avocados….

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Oracle Become Experts at Dick Moves

First of all, a little history Many decades ago the DBA was introduced to Oracle because a 1/4″ cartridge tape with their software arrived in the post and being the only one around who knew what the unix…

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You can’t beat the system (trigger)

I don’t mind when people get things wrong. In our over complicated, politicised, dumbed down world it’s only natural to get confused, click on the wrong button or otherwise cock up Hell, the DBA does it all the…

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Weaponising DBMS_SCHEDULER

It’s been a while since I talked about oracle so probably about time I did. I like to rock up into the office pretty late, usually around 10ish. By this time all the early morning panics, finger pointing…

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Profiling Offenders

After a few recent adventures I’m beginning to think my new employers aren’t taking me entirely seriously. So as a result I’ve dug up a rather useful and often ignored oracle feature. User profiles Profiles allow the dba…

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Triggered!

I must be getting old or something. I know my faculties are probably a bit past their sell by date and that I’m probably getting a little mellow in my old age but I’m not quite so far…

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Killing for Fun

I forget why, but rocking up to our office the other day I found that someone had stolen my parking space and had plonked a brand new Audi in it. Now working in a town centre, even if…

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Whoopee! I’m a Domain Admin

One of the first things I like to do at any new customer, employer or potential victim is to have a quick look around. It isn’t very professional or even organised and no I don’t have any automated…

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