Author: The DBA

Happy New Scam

Yes, it’s been a while since I last posted. This was supposed to come out in January but sadly the DBA has a life and a few bills to pay. He’s been busy. So to kick off a…

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Real DBA’s do it in Parallel – backing up oracle standard edition in parallel

Oh FFS not again! Rocking up to the office for what I hoped to be a boring morning I find that yet again one of our database backups is still running from the night before. And I’m not…

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All your logins belong to me

“But it doesn’t work for me!” the user whines over the phone, all the while I’m mentally picturing what this person would look like being run over by a steamroller. I desperately try to clear my head of…

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Oracle for Hipsters – The DBA installs Oracle 18c

Ok, I’ll admit it. The DBA is a bit of a Dinosaur and genuinely thinks that anyone under the age of 103 isn’t old enough to tie their own shoelaces, never mind buy their own coffee or Avocados….

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Oracle Become Experts at Dick Moves

First of all, a little history Many decades ago the DBA was introduced to Oracle because a 1/4″ cartridge tape with their software arrived in the post and being the only one around who knew what the unix…

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Goats!

With massive apologies to Ken White at popehat.com. I’m a massive fan of his and he has a very funny and entertaining way of dealing with spammers so have shamelessly stolen his idea, hopefully I’ve added a twist….

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You can’t beat the system (trigger)

I don’t mind when people get things wrong. In our over complicated, politicised, dumbed down world it’s only natural to get confused, click on the wrong button or otherwise cock up Hell, the DBA does it all the…

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Weaponising DBMS_SCHEDULER

It’s been a while since I talked about oracle so probably about time I did. I like to rock up into the office pretty late, usually around 10ish. By this time all the early morning panics, finger pointing…

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ReactOS Part 2 – Upgrades

This time last year, you might remember that I kind of liked a little known operating system called ReactOS. It’s basically a linux kernel with the look and feel of an old windows box. Having spent a bit…

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The DBA Goes Phone Scammer

From time to time the DBA changes things like car insurance or utility suppliers. It keeps the greedy bastards on their toes Unfortunately one of the side effects of this switching is that every time you do it…

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